right..almost done second semester at VIU and i think im going mentally insane...
im getting so confused with setting my priorities straight; i dont know whether to do my English research parer, my freakin psychology assignment, one of my multiple art projects, study for art history, and as well as school i have my goddamn job to worry about, and how my boss cant guarantee a job when i come back from working in the Queen Charlotte's this spring and summer, and with THAT im gunna be away for 4 months and im gunna miss chevy SO BADLY, at least my bud kate will hopefully get hired with me..if not well that'll suck.. but yea, boss said she cant guarantee, but she didnt give me a goddamn yes or no..i HATE how she can NEVER just commit to anything...its always a "we'll see" or a "maybe", and i HATE how she gives a TOTAL DRUNK more shifts than me and just lets her work there cuz she's an old friend....for FUCK'S SAKE she a DRUNK. drinks at work too!! and im not dramatizing this!! we've found mickeys in the garbage the next day!! and she still doesnt fire her!! AAAAAAAARRGG!!!!!!!!!!! i NEED those shifts.....i cant survive off one shift a week (its 11 hours a day $10/h, but still..i mean thats only 220 a paycheque...NO ONE can survive living on their own on that)
....ive never had insomnia before but fer the past 2 weeks i have and its driving me mental...i cant even form a sentence sometimes im so goddamn tired...so my classes are also suffering cuz if the subject is even the slightest bit uninteresting im out..like uve hit me on the back of my head with a club...andd i KNOW it and i try to stay awake so hard..gahh..
u know the feeling like u wanna cry every second of the day?
like its just there, all the time. u can hold it back but its there and its almost distracting...
oh, also my grandmother passed away a couple months ago and i cant honestly say i ever mourned her..not that i didnt loved her or didnt care..god, totally the opposite..i think i almost loved her the most..she was honestly the kinda person who just makes you smile whenever they speak and NEVER says ANYTHING negative about anyone or anything, and that really is a rare quality...she was an honest to god saint. in every sense of the word. i really really miss her, but never truly mourned her when she lost her battle to ALS and i couldnt figure out WHY...
i dunno maybe i judt didnt accept that she was gone or something....she's the first person close to me thats died tho...new experience..

anyway...i REALLY just wanna end by saying that i LOATH people who beg for attention by complaining about their "horrible" lives all the time and i dont want a bunch of comments saying " oh boohoo " or "dont be emo" or something stupid, cuz im not. im venting, and it feels very good to do so. and its healthy, as long as youre not doing it to try and make someone feel bad or you're simply greedy for attention. and i certainly dont think my life is horrible. i think im extremely normal lol. a lot of people prolly feel EXACTLY the way i do. i have a wonderful family an amazing and caring boyfriend and im DOING something with my life, not just doing nothing.

so maybe if any of you whove read this and is feeling the same way let me know and we can talk about it. it feels better to talk about it especially with someone who knows how you're feeling, and when i finally did yesterday it made a world of difference. the stress is still there, but i dont feel like im totally alone with it n e more and that truly is comforting.
so ya, its crunch time for university students, and if you're one who's feeling it too, or just someone who wants to rant about something, im a good listener and dont really care if i know you or not lol
hope everyone has a good one <3